He told me he really didnt care what they where saying about but some if it he listened to them about me. But if it ever gets even remotely as bad as this BAIL. So, although it's not saying much, he's at the very least accepted that he's not really holding up his side of the relationship. So what can you do? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. 7 Reasons for Relationship Failure, He Cheated on You, But You Cant Stop Loving Him, 8 Ways to Rebuild Trust in Your Husband After Infidelity, Can You Live With a Husband You Dont Trust? 6 Tips. Sick and tired. This is not necessarily a reflection on your relationship; your boyfriend may just need a bit more time alone. Do I Need To Tell Him I Cheated? It's for 2 reasons. How to identify and fix relationship issues. It makes me feel third best, and miserable. Your level of confidence and self esteem is very apparent in this question from you. My fiance and I have a wonderful relationship there is only one problem. Although he talks negatively about me. He says he feels rude and awkward refusing to buy their crap. Hes been staying at my house last 4to 5 mths. Then it was all about me "begging him" for forgiveness - which I had no intention of doing. Started February 13, By Being a Muslim woman, I know that a Muslim man sneaking around to be with you, is a red flag, and he will usually NOT choose said woman at the end. People seek advice, usually wanting to hear only what they want to hear. When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as theyve been alive. some guy like you mentioned???. Sadly, I can totally relate to this woman. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. It may come off as giving practical advice, but in reality, he's just being negative. If your boyfriend, one of his friends, or his family is bullying, ignoring or being rude to you and if theyre energized by their own actions then they may be toxic. Its critical for women to be able to stand up for themselves regardless of how protective or loving their boyfriends are. I dont give advice, but its important to remember that you cant change who your boyfriend is. His sister has taken him from me in past and everytime she does. If he knows his bad mouth and ignores him, youre just fine. Emotional immaturity usually isn't obvious right away "Emotionally stunted" guys are adult men who for some reason never matured emotionally A man needs to be secure with himself before he can. You are not alone. His family has land and worth slot so when mother dies there getting tons of money and someone told me probably think im trying to get there money. Anyways after lots of tries they finally got him to go. You can't lecture or nag your boyfriend to change, and you can't pray your problems away. Help for marriage problems, for couples who are recently or forever married. this brings the question, WHY his friends said those stuff bout you, it means your boyfriend shared his doubts with them and in order to see your reaction, he just said his friends said so, so he wont need to defend himself because he thinks that way. I don't know if he realises that he's doing it; it doesn't come accross as intentional when he switches the focus back to him - but obviously, it has the same effect. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. When a man really loves a woman, she is the only one for him and it would never cross his mind to look at other women if he truly loved you. Now, the sugar-coating thing, I think you'll have to drop that many more times from now on if you ever want him to talk about it, maybe even debate a little bit, voice his own opinion, even though there's a chance he might upset you(You might point out that you're already upset and it can't get any worse than this if you have to encourage him to talk). We had a nice time i stayed over night there. No it doesn't make a relationship work on its own. We are working on our 2nd year being together. Good for you. Hes supportive and kindand he probably doesnt know what to do. First of all, allow me to do it like in Kirghistan and answer your question with another question or, to be more precise, with a series of questions: WHO ARE YOU? Be really careful with that guy. Thank you for your comments; Im sorry to hear your widowed boyfriends adult married child doesnt accept you. Many of us find ourselves between jobs or out of work at some time or another in life. Davidgrx Am I being gas lighted? I wish you happiness and good health and a wealthy love life full of all the endless positive possibilities for your sake! 1. But I don't know if this is something that's solvable, because there's nothing I can do on my end, it's up to him to work out what's going on. This family seems dow right scary and I wouldnt want to be a part of their crazy Labyrinth. Theres a quiet moment in Legally Blondes otherwise explosive courtroom scene thats usually overlooked. Now she got his sister involved to help break us up. Can you continue a relationship with him, just the way he is now? And to answer your questions in chronological order: A (currently intensely frustrated) modern languages & literature student from the lovely rainy land of England, possibly; maybe I should give up men entirelyand thirdly: at the moment, I'm not sure. Be honest with yourself. "It is not a requirement of anyone to like someone else's family," says Sarah . If not, then you get to decide if that's good enough for you. I cant sleep or nothing im so sick worrying if he will still be with me. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By It keeps happening throughout the relationship where I feel like I'm being disrespected by people in his life. jwrunner81 How do you know the difference between a toxic person and an ignorant person? Im on the verge of giving up on my boyfriend. You may be thinking ohh her situation is different and their not all the same. He just didn't say, incase it upset me. I love him to death !!! "Affectionate when drunk" is a super-cool euphemism I'm definitely gonna use from now on. Are you hesitant to be honest with your boyfriend? I had asked if I could have a talk with his friends and he said no. But sadly, he's chosen to to be assertive with you and not with the people who use him and this is wrong. He sneaks around to see me, he pretends hes at work when he comes over to my house. But your. A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke and his behaviour changed dramatically. Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Don't text that man! He refuses to stand up for me and I hate not being included in his life, he wants to chat to me all the time but thats not a proper relationship to me. It is impossible to change the dynamics once they are set. Well she had a fit ! I think you did great by breaking up with him, you are obviously not after money and u obviously tried so hard to be the girl to meet expectations. Ive told my boyfriend about it and he says it doesnt matter what they say he still loves me. I think he needs to know that you aren't prepared to put up with his tantrums/silences/emotional blackmail. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I'm not gonna lie to you. Maybe you cant go to all the family functions.but maybe going to family events together isnt a huge part of a healthy relationship. 2-As stated by . and our also hes a hypocrite he yells at me for going to a guys house when I lived with him for a year with my family so hes like a brother to me but then I found out during my spring break he was at a girls house drinking and smoking and yelled at me when I went to the guys house bu he went to her house before I went to his and I didnt even know he was there what should I do???? It is your husband's right to stand up for himself and to assert his individuality. I think today was the first time I've been actually entirely non sugar-coated with what I have to say to him, and I'm hoping that when we talk about it tomorrow, he'll actually have something to say about itbut who knows. Learn how to respond to a boyfriend who doesnt defend or stand up for you. Sorry for this late response, what has gone with your relationship in the meantime? We need to stop worrying about the unhealthy fallout of unhealthy people who are challenged by healthy decisions. Is Your Boyfriends Mother Ruining Your Relationship? I dont know; it depends on him and your relationship. Standing up for each other can be as simple as saying, I don't like the way you're speaking to my partner. "Then add, 'I happen to have a different opinion, but that does not discount what you are feeling and the value your feelings have.'". Are your boyfriends family or friends are making you feel bad about yourself or not good enough to be with him? "Life will always throw challenges at you, and being able to manage the small ones will help prepare you for the big ones. So pretty much, what ends up happening is that I comfort him, I cheer him up by the end of the conversation - and my problems get ignored. In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. I am open to moving to where he wants in the future under different circumstances but its clear that still isnt good enough because he wants me to say that I will do what he wants right now regardless of all of my concerns about and my personal goals and wishes. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By I'd focus on your trip, your changes, your brother's visit, and if BF wants to participate and be a BF, he's perfectly capable of doing so. Hanalei Vierra, Ph.D., LMFT, marriage and family therapist, This article was originally published on November 15, 2018, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, When Having An Affair Is An Act Of Self-Care. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. "Although a partner should be honest with you about their reservations in private, they shouldn't express those doubts in public.". Are You Trapped in a Toxic Relationship? Well, I'm not sure if advice is what you wanted or whether you just wanted to complain about your bf to people you won't need to comfort because of it but I hope I helped at least a little bit. He's an opinionated, intelligent guy. INeedHelp Infact he tells me what ive done wrong and NEVER them. I understand it sounds cold of me to say, but to use the threat of suicidal behaviour as a bargaining chip in a relationship leaves me just feeling unsympathetic. Needless to say, at that point, I was unimpressedand he, like a non-confrontational guy, pretty much grovelled in apology, and we came to an agreement about him not drinking so much and having to regain trust. He has a I definitely tainted family, who may very well be dangerous, psychotic and, controlling, passive aggressive and really vindictive. She only cares about herself and her dogs. I have recently moved my fiances friends in our apartment. What have we done wrong? But in the event an argument gets heated and disrespect is thrown around, it's important that your partner has your back, even if that means standing up to their friends and family. Thankfully, my boyfriend isn't that bad. Participant. Required fields are marked *. Where do you see yourself living and dying? Number 1- you teach people how to treat you, and that sets the foundation for your relationship forever. I really do love him and miss him very much. Calls me nasty names etcits horrible ! Im the outcast. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke. He is a bonifide pussy. I was the one to lie to him and tell him I didnt have feeling for him but I did and I regret it, I miss him but he has to change for himself to see how friends played a part in your relationship and ruined it for us. But just the other night he told me that we will get through this-weve hit a snag, but well get through it somehow. He said that we will work thru this. My Ex Wants To Get Back Together. This should be obvious. He still has to text absolutely every place he goes, and he does. An example of this indicator may be that your boyfriend is acting cold not only to you but to his friends and family as well and doesn't spend enough time with them. Him not standing up to his mom for himself or for us is really ruining the relationship for me. It just hurts that Im being trampled over and made fun of. He is allowing his friends to mistreat you. No, I dont think it was wrong for you to give up on him. My boyfriend won't stand up for himself. It just hurts, because we are both seniors and just want acceptance. IM the bad guy even though when we argue about it, he says that i am getting the wrong end of the stick with what hes saying. I have been around my boyfriend a lot longer than this guy. He doesn't even try to. 7 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Stopped Calling and Texting, Is Your Husband Using Facebook to Cheat on You? Hi Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now and hes an amazing guy and we love each other really strongly. 10 things to consider when your boyfriend doesn't have a job 1) Why doesn't he have a job? :-). If he doesn't then you have to take a good look at the relationship and ask yourself what you are getting from it and if it really is worth it. Manage Settings Guess what? For example my future ex-BF(the one I'm thinking about dumping because of his general knowledge issue) has truly saved my life in this department. 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